A year ago they were studying foreign languages, chatting in a café, exchanging books, shopping and sharing stories about first steps in their family lives. They are girls from Donetsk and Luhansk, who had to escape from the war.

They don’t know when they will be able to see their friends. It will be a year in summer since the moment they have become IDPs and left their homes. What do they dream about? What makes them happy? How have they changed for a year?

Lena, 26 years, moved to Kyiv from Donetsk a year ago

The most frightening was to drive from Donetsk to Svyatogorsk. We were passing places of combats. There were unexploded mines and remains of burnt equipment. I was afraid that we will blow up too.

When I was leaving I took a few dresses, jeans jacket, jeans, t-shirts, laptop, a book, textbook and lecture notes on Spanish.

I didn’t take warm clothes and regretted about it.

In a new way of life I miss some Donetsk cafes and bars: “Gandzhyubas”, “Shopen-Gogen”, “Liverpool”

I cry often, because I feel loneliness, tiredness and anger.

Sometimes I have nightmares. Once in two—three weeks. I had more before, almost once in two days.

I am afraid to make far-reaching plans – even for 2 days ahead. I am afraid of public gatherings.

This yearfor the first time I tried couched cereals, dyed hair myself and made a haircut.

Sometimes I laugh, but not too often. I feel happy when my boyfriend makes me laugh, when I meet friends, watch a good movie, cook something tasty, get salary.

When I take a book and go to Peyzazhnaya avenue to read on the grass I feel calm. If it is cold I read at home.

I am grateful that I managed to leave at the beginning of shelling with my parents, grateful for my house and job now.

I want to go back.

Anna, 26 years, went to Debaltsevo from Donetsk on July 2014, on February 2015 she moved to Russia

January and February I spent in a bomb shelter. Because of continuous shelling it was impossible to go upstairs to our apartment. On January 26 my mother had a birthday, we gathered with some neighbors. But soon we had to hide in a bomb shelter because of a shelling. My parents went to the flat in the middle of the night and those were longest minutes in my life. They came back very soon, but a shell exploded near our house and I was scared to never see them again. Fortunately, people from first floors have left and no one was injured by a shrapnel.

The happiest thing this year was to hear a silence in the city after shelling. It was inexpressible moment of happiness – to go out and hear silence and know that it will last for some time.

I met so many good and sympathetic people.

Here in Russia I’ve seen dolphins in 5 meters from me, they were swimming.

When I was leaving I took minimum clothes, keds, laptop and e-book. When I was leaving Donetsk I hoped to come back in a couple of weeks.

I have enough of everything. The moment I complain about something in my mind I think that I could have nothing. I have everything in my life for happiness except of a peace, home and confidence that my city with friends and relatives is safe.

I’ve frozen for a year of life, disappeared; I have only expectations, waiting for the end of this terrible moment. I became an observer. I say “yes” more often and can go to another city without planning. But I don’t remember days of weeks and months. The time don’t have boundaries now, I have just perception of time.

I don’t cry. It happened once, a few months after leaving. It was probably a delayed breakdown. I haven’t cried since that moment.

Sometimes I have nightmares – that I don’t have a place to hide during shelling and cannot protect anyone. But in general I don’t have dreams at all, just darkness.

Music calms me down. I need to wear earphones, close my eyes and listen. And rain – there were no shelling during rain, it’s like a sign that everything will be ok. It is a fresh air, sweet smell of flowers, grass and dust.

I laugh often, but it is more like an automatic reaction.

This year I went to another country for the first time. I bathed in the sea in May, eat celery and received post cards.

I’m grateful for everything. I’m glad that my close people are alive and it’s a miracle.

During shelling I wanted to be a Hulk. No weapons can harm him, he is incredibly strong. If I was a Hulk, I would have destroyed all weapons in a neighborhood, no shabby gun would have survived.

I want to return very much. Home is a symbol of a peace, rest and certainty. Even if I will move to another city or country I want to know, that there is a home where I can go back.

Karina, 30 years, went to Kharkiv from Donetsk on July, 2014

The most frightening is the word “war”: the first morning when we were woken up by volleys; incredible anxiety for husband and father; a piece of news that a shell hit our house …

When I was leaving I took clothes, towel, small things; like I was going to a business trip. I went to Kharkiv department of a company to work. As others I was not going to leave home for a long time, I didn’t believe in bad.

I forgot colors, knit dolls and photos.

I couldn’t cry, just now I can cry because of loneliness.

I fell in love with Kharkiv and its residents: it’s a big, interesting, warm city.

I celebrated New Year with my family in Luhansk. We had no electricity, it was too quiet outside the window (no songs, no laughter, no fireworks) but it was so calm, the only thing that mattered – we were together. TV wasn’t working and we were listening to “Metel” Pushkina.

Every new day makes me feel happy. People. Nature. All life. I’m laughing rarely. Became less carefree.

My today’s mornings: alarm is ringing at 7, I wake up 30 minutes or an hour earlier. Wash my face, eat breakfast, manage to do something about the house, take my clothes on, leave the house, go to a subway – 4 stations and I’m at work.

My mornings a year ago: alarm is ringing at 7 but I’m getting up 15 minutes later. “Husband! Wake up!”. Iron his shirt. Sometimes blue one, sometimes green. Green mostly, because this colour suits him. “Husband! Get up!”

Then we have breakfast, drink tea, eat bread with butter. Then we drive to work together and listen to the radio.

My perfect day is to wake up in the morning in spring, take backpacks and go to mountains with my husband.

I don’t feel that I’ve left, because I go home very often. I live in two cities today. I consider the right to father’s house and love to it inalienable and I want to live there.

Nataliya, 27 years, went to Crimea from Donetsk in July, 2014

The most frightening was absence of communication with parents and a friend. I could imagine the most terrible things.

When I was leaving I took a few t-shirts, jeans, keds, shoes and towel.

I didn’t take a hair dryer, white skirt and spring boots.

I celebrated New Year very sad; I invited myself to colleague’s apartment in dormitory. It was a grey and drunk night. The only plus was a sea outside the window. It was the first time when I didn’t cry when heard fireworks.

I cry less now. I was crying every time when I heard news from Donetsk, about politics. I tried not to look at pictures from Donetsk.

I didn’t have nightmares, maybe some anxious dreams.

I feel happy when there is nothing about my city in news.

I am grateful to be alive.

I reappraised old values this year! I understood that happiness is to live, to be alive. I got disappointed in some people, others surprised me in a good way.

Usual things calm me down —when I talk to my friends from Donetsk, watch movies and serials, which I was watching at home. To feel comfortable I do same things which I was doing at home before the war.

If I were a superhero, I would like to forecast the future, stop the time and travel in space.

I want to go back! Very much!

Ira, 29 years, went from Donetsk to Kyiv in August, 2014

The most frightening this year was the death of my father, devastation of parents’ life, our grandmother was dying and my sister was very sick.

We took our things one by one, at first we took a net book, favorite toy elephant and summer-autumn clothes.

I don’t regret about things which I’ve left there.

I laugh a lot. I like funny pictures received from my friends in social networks, neutral jokes without political implications. I don’t like “Comedy club” and “Kvartal 95” now.

I don’t cry often.

The most memorable was a trip to Kamenets-Podilsk, Hotin. Also I have a panic attack in a subway this year.

The happiest thing was that I sang on the scene again and got personal apartment.

Last year I saw a fest of balloons for the first time and fed squirrels from arms in the forest, ate wild strawberries and ramsons, I’ve also dyed hair to blonde.

I’m grateful that my mother wasn’t injured and psychologically crippled, viral hepatitis of my sister wasn’t confirmed, we have a place to live and food to eat.

I forbade my mother and husband to celebrate my birthday this year, I didn’t want even to have a feeling of holiday. I don’t want to have children because I worry for their future, I’m trying to convince myself that children – are bad. I became more anxious, I’m afraid more.

Favorite movies, sweets, walks in a forest and badminton calm me down.

My perfect day? I’m in a rain coat and underwear over my panty hose rescuing the world.

My mornings now – to wake up because of sunshine, wash my face and drink a big cup of a green tea.

Last year I had a job.

If I were a superhero I would like to teleport in space, read people’s minds. I want to be fast as Flash.

I don’t want to go back. Everything has changed there, people changed, the war disfigured them. They will hate everyone who left, because they didn’t stay and go through that horror. I feel safe here. I feel that only darkness and burnt land left there in Donbass. The life will never be the same.

Oksana Oklahoma for the Informator.lg.ua

Photo – Tom Stoddart, Sarajevo, 1955